LESSONS ON SELF RESPECT.

In twenty nine years I have experienced a lot. I have suffered depression, been bullied, had body image issues, struggled with a metal disorder and experienced loss. I've been homeless and penniless. There were even times in my life that I felt so bad about myself that I couldn't look in the mirror. All of those things, although not easy to go through, taught me many valuable lessons about life and about self respect. Although the lessons were hard, all of them have taught me exactly what is important in life and how to make my life simpler and happier. 


FUCK DRAMA.

I hate drama. I don't like it and I don't have time for it. I hate hearing about it and getting involved in it. If it has nothing to do with me, I don't want to know. I'm happy to be a sounding board for friends and family who need to vent their frustrations but I stay out of it. I am Switzerland.

There came a point in my life several years ago where it seemed like my life was full of drama and most of it wasn't even to do with me. One day I had enough and decided that all the trivial bullshit we seem to fill our lives with had no place in mine. It sounds like an easy thing to do but coming to the realisation and putting it into action are two different things. Getting rid of drama often means getting rid of people. 

Cutting out drama really means cutting loose those people that cause the drama in the first place. If someone in my life is causing me drama unnecessarily, I walk away. I know it sounds harsh and maybe cold, but sometimes its the only way to make your life happier. It's not easy. But I had to put myself and my happiness first and when I did, my life was easier for it.

Doing this means that I have significantly less people in my life but at the end of the day, the ones that are still around are the keepers. They are the ones that will always have my back, will always be there with a shoulder to cry on or an eager ear when I need to vent about life frustrations.

Cutting people out of your life doesn't mean that you hate them - it means you respect yourself more. You need to respect yourself enough to walk away from anything or anyone who no longer makes you happy. Even if it hurts. You'll be happier for it in the long run. You need to dedicate your time to the things that are worthy of it.

FEMALES SUPPORTING FEMALES.

Women have had to fight for recognition, rights and equality . . . well forever. We're still fighting for some of those things. I hate it when I see people comparing women to each other or women trying to compete with one another or one up each other. You can use someone's success as a drive to achieve your own but we should be applauding one another for our accomplishments. Don't be green with envy and judge them because you don't have what they do. Be happy for them and use them as your inspiration. Strive to reach the same level they have without begrudging them all they have achieved. 

Supporting another woman's success won't ever dampen yours. Compliment each other. Lift each other up. Empower one another and inspire each other. In this day and age you have women succeeding in industries and professions that have long been dominated by men. So instead of judging or comparing woman to woman, why not encourage? Praise instead of criticise or compare. You can always tell who the strong women are; they are the ones you see building one another other up, instead of tearing each other down.

NOT EVERYONE WILL LIKE YOU.

I used to think that if someone didn't like me, there was something wrong with me. That clearly it was my fault. I thought there was something about me that was wrong that I needed to change. But you know what - thats bullshit. Not everyone is going to like everyone else. There are a lot of people that I just don't mesh well with and thats okay. It's nothing they have done wrong - we just don't fit. 

There is always going to be someone who doesn't like you and that's perfectly normal. Don't let it get to you. If you spent your life trying changing things about yourself to make everyone like you, you'll only be disappointed and lost trying to figure out who you really are. Be yourself no matter what anyone thinks.

THE WAY OTHERS TREAT YOU DOES NOT DEFINE YOUR SELF WORTH.

This one here is so important. If someone speaks down to you, mistreats you or treats you with anything less than the respect that you deserve - it has nothing to do with you. Don't sit around trying to figure out what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. Sometimes people are just assholes. Whatever they did or said to you had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the kind of person they are. You should never let anyone make you doubt yourself or your worth.

Don't look for validation outside or yourself and start looking within. Self-love and self-worth is more important than any love you can get from anyone else. Learn to love you. When we value something we treat it well and you should be at the top of the list of things that you value.



"If you are constantly trying to prove you're worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value." - Unknown. 




YOUR BODY IS YOURS - NO ONE ELSES.

This idea that womens bodies are a public forum to be commented upon drives me nuts. Its two thousand and nineteen people - not eighteen forty three. Women are no longer property. We're no longer seen as brood mares. We can have opinions. We can vote. We're even allowed to speak and not just when spoken too. Shocking, I know.

What a woman chooses to do with her body is nobody's business but her own. If you want to cover your skin in tattoos that's entirely your decision. If you want to become a gym junkie and get ripped as hell, you go right ahead. You can wear what you want, whenever you want. 

If you want to have sex, have sex. (Just make sure its safe!) If you want to have sex with someone you're not dating, do it. If you want to have sex with more than one person you're not dating - who gives a flying fuck. As long as you respect yourself, the ones you're with and are safe, then we're all good.

It's no ones business to tell you what you can and cannot do with your body and no ones right to make you feel ashamed about what you do with your body. You need no ones permission but your own. You are your own woman and never let anyone make you feel like they have the right to make you feel ashamed about what you do.

LOVING YOURSELF FIRST.

You are you and you cannot change that - even though many people wish that they could. Everything that makes you, you - your happiness, your memories, your regrets, your pain, your thoughts - all of it is inside you, making up part of you. If you work to make those things positive you will be a stronger, confident person no matter what anyone says to you.

Don't let the nasty words linger or get inside because they'll just bring you down. The key to a happy life is learning to love you, exactly as you are and have always been. Stop comparing yourself to others and deriving self worth from what others think. The only opinion that matters is yours.

I spent a long time worrying over the things I'd said or done or had been said or done to me that I was deeply unhappy with the person I was. It took a lot of reflection and growth to get to the place that I am at now. Right now all I care about is how I feel about myself. I don't care what anyone else says about me or their opinions on how I live my life. As long as I am happy and I'm not hurting anyone, that's all that matters.

TREAT OTHER'S HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

This is a lesson we're all taught as children but one that not many people learn. The next time you make an unkind comment about someone you sees hair or outfit, think about how you would feel if you knew someone was saying that about you. The next time you are trash talking someone you know behind their back, think about how that would make you feel.

Many people forget that it's those little comments and sly digs that often effect people the most. If you want people to be kind to you, to respect you, you have to do the same in return. Think about what you say, before you say it. It might be cliche but if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say it at all.

As women there are so many boxes society will try to push us into and I think it's important to remember that at the end of the day, you are who you are and you should be proud of it. Love yourself. Don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Don't let anyone judge you or make you feel bad about being yourself, exactly as you are. If you want change something about yourself, do it not because someone told you that you should but because it's what you want.

Be brave. Be kind. Empower those around you to be as confident and as powerful as you can be and help teach younger generation all the lessons that we've learned along the way. 

Sincerely,

Bella

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@bellaleeheart