BEING COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN.

Being comfortable in my own skin is one of the things that I have struggled the most with in my life. I imagine most people at some point in their life have struggled with it too. Being in control of your own thoughts and how you think about yourself physically and mentally, can be so hard to do when you don't feel confident in yourself. It's easy to tell yourself you're beautiful, but it's harder to feel it.

Confidence is something that is hard to come by naturally in this day and age. In the world of social media, image is everything. We are constantly being exposed to the image of 'perfection' and lives that seem to be simple, easy and picture perfect. We are being bombarded by imagery of what the world at large currently deems the new beautiful. Every year it changes and it seems that being you, exactly as you are, is hard when the world is constantly telling you what you need to look like in order to fit the image of what society is currently calling beautiful.




I feel like body types have become trends, the same way fashion is. A few years ago it was the thigh gap. Everyone was suddenly trying to get slender legs with a gap large enough to see when your feet were together. Women were going on fad diets and working their legs to exhaustion trying to achieve stick thin pins and women with thick thighs were suddenly self conscious of their curves.

When I was twelve and self conscious of my rather large ass, it was the slender bodies that were all the rage and I was on the receiving end of every fat ass joke you can think of. Growing up I was so conscious of my body, I went out of my way to hide it because I hated it. Jump forward fifteen years and the body I spent most of my youth trying to hide is now what everyone is suddenly embracing. Curves are the new normal and while that is wonderful for me now, the insecurities that I developed through my life are still hanging around. Suddenly its okay to have a booty or junky thighs or tummy rolls. Which is fantastic for me because I have all of those things. But now we have people telling the naturally slender women of the world that they're too thin and they should eat more. It seems no one can win, really.

I spent most of my twenty nine years on this planet thinking something was wrong with me. Always wondering why I was not pretty enough, thin enough, fair skinned enough. Why my hair was dark, thick and frizzy when all the 'pretty girls' had blonde sleek hair. Because society had been telling me for most of my life that what I am, who I am, was not considered beautiful.
There were times in my life where I hated looking in a mirror. And I hate that. I hate that at a point in my life, I felt that low about myself. So I made a decision to change my life by loving myself and putting me first. To embrace all of me, even the parts that used to make me hate looking in the mirror.

I wish we lived in a world where no one told other people what they needed to do to look beautiful. I wish we lived in a world where we taught girls, women, boy sand men that who they are inside and what they look like outside, is enough. That they are beautiful and wonderful and they should love every bit of themselves, exactly as they are. No more comparing, no more telling people what they need to change.


"Self-worth is so vital to your happiness. If you don't feel good about YOU, it's hard to feel good about anything else." - Mandy Hale.



BUILD YOUR SELF WORTH.

Sometime we can be our own worst enemy. I imagine that everyone at some point in their lives has had negative thoughts about themselves - whether it be about their looks, worth, ability, intelligence; anything. It's these negative thoughts towards ourselves that bring us down and it's learning to squash these thoughts that is the first step to recognising your own self worth.
Seeking approval from others is something we tend to do the most when our self worth is low. We want someone to tell us that we are worth something. But having self worth is all about knowing that you are worthy and not needing someone tell you that you are. (Although that is always nice to hear.) You need to learn to know within yourself that are valuable and are loved simple because you are you. Not because of what you say or do, or what others think of you. Learning this is the first but most crucial step in building your self worth.


STOP SEEKING VALIDATION FROM OTHER PEOPLE.

The only person whose opinion matters when it comes to your self worth is your own. Don't get your validation from others because when that validation is no longer there, you're left feeling worthless. Your value does not decrease based on someones inability to see your worth.
It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you except yourself. This is something that it took me awhile to learn and my life has changed all the more for it. I am unashamedly and unabashedly me. And if someone doesn't like it - fuck em. Their opinion means nothing compared to my own opinion of myself. As long as you are happy with yourself, no one else's opinion can touch you.


SELF-LOVE.

Practicing self love means different things to different people. Some people like to pamper themselves with facials and spa days. Others like to meditate or work out. I know some people who find it comforting to clear out their closet or declutter their home, or make lists, journal about things you love about yourself, meditate or do yoga. It doesn't matter what self love means to you as long as you practice it.
I personally love taking time once a week to pamper myself silly and then curl up with a good book and giant cup of tea. It's my happy place. It's how I feel comfortable and relaxed and good about myself. You need to find something that makes you feel good about being you and do it. Do it often. Do it with no regrets. Take time for you and only you and love every second of it. And then do it again.

PRACTICE GRATITUDE.

Gratitude and being grateful for what we have is something that I don't think enough people do. We become dissatisfied with the need for more, the need for better, for something someone else has that we become dissatisfied with our lives and therefore ourselves.

When I look around at my life I know that I have so much to be thankful for and that to some people, what I have is everything because its more than what they have now. But I have giant list of all the things I want to do, to achieve, to acquire. The key is reminding yourself to be grateful for what you have and for everything you have achieved. That doesn't meant to you shouldn't strive for something else, for something more. But don't discount all you have accomplished because you think what you have isn't good enough.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE.

Surrounding yourself with positive, uplifting people is the key to not just having a happy, drama free life, but is the best way to feel good about you. Surrounding yourself with positive, uplifting people is a great way to feel good about you. Good friends and good company improve your mood, keep you grounded and keep you feeling happy.
It's important to build friendships that are genuine. Don't ever try to change aspects of yourself to try and fit in with other people. Not only are you not being true to yourself but you need to surround yourself with people who love you exactly as you are, or you'll never be happy with the real you.

ACCEPT YOUR WEAKNESSES.

The biggest and most important step to being comfortable in your skin is accepting that you are not perfect. No one is. Everyone has their flaws and their own insecurities and accepting that is the first step to accepting yourself - all of you and not just parts of you.
Overcoming insecurities isn't something that is going to happen overnight. Although it might take time, just remember to be true to who you are and love all of you - the good and the bad. Don't run from your flaws, embrace them as you would your strengths. Celebrate them. Own them. And don't let anyone - even yourself - make you feel bad for them. I mean, if everyone was perfect no one would really be interesting.
Do you ever feel uncomfortable in your own skin? How do you deal with it?

Sincerley,

Bella. xx




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